The first part in which I don't know what to say. My choice of words are poor. But I won't give a damn. I really wont

I would''ve wished that you would listen to me. But you won't. Why would you anyway? It's not like I'm a philosophical doctor that's just recently won a gold award in whatever conventions made anywhere. But, somehow, you know I'm right. You feel the need of heeding to my very words. Just for the sake of I don't even know what the fuck. So here's the thing, I'm listening to minecraft's music - and I swear if you would know what the fuck I am talking about, reward yourself with a nice cold orange juice.Yep, you deserved it. Oh, as a matter of fact, it's not really the MIDI type music of minecraft, it's a remix version, in drums and bass format, genre, whatever, and if you noticed the beads of sweat that made my forehead looked shiny, you could tell that I am indeed, in need of a shade, or a cool drink. It would made my day better, I think as I watched the trees. The fucking trees. Sure, the sun is a lot of fun for them, you know, chlorophylls, photosynthesis and shit. But too much fun, it's a deadly sin as my furthest sight could only see brown trees, no green. Even the grass is turning its colours, merging together with the cracked soil. The harmony of death.

I paid the RM500. A collateral. Entrance fee. I don't even know what to say and I proceed to the registration centre, amazed by how fucked up the registration system is. Asking people to run around looking for the correct place to land my name, address, phone numbers and my sacred signature. The lack of integrity that this so called systematic administration trying to portray is depressing. At one time they said that the registration would end at 5. I arrived at 3, just to witness a sight of a previous robbery, I mean the chairs, tables, scattered around, some were jumbled up, upside down and not even a single sane individual was spotted. Sighing, I asked around, and how would I know that my lazy ass could even challenge another lazy ass that was sitting on a fucking chair, in an air conditioned room telling me that the registration was over. I can't blame him for sitting and not giving a damn that I just came in his room and tried to shake hands with him while standing. You can't really blame these senseless people, or in another case which I am the one with overwhelming feels, trying to convey them everywhere.

Kontrak

Tirai berlabuh

Gelap

Mana sorak tepuk ?

Mana ?

Dan dalam kegelapan itu

Yang sejuk itu

Yang memenuhi itu

Aku bertanya

Sedikit nada berbisik

Kerana mungkin aku sudah gila, bercakap dengan diri sendiri

Aku tidak mahu orang tahu aku ini gila

" Aku dimana " 

Senyap 

Sunyi

Bila kau keseorangan,

Kegelapan itu memekat

Pasrah

Menangis aku

Terbentak di hatiku

" Mungkin... "

" Ya "

" .Benarkah ? "

" Ya "

" Siapa kau ? "

" Masa berkenalan sudah habis ! "

Aku cuba memeluk tubuhku dalam kegelapan pahit itu

Sia sia

Terpaku 

Atas perbaringan yang tak bernama

" Aku rindu akan ibu bapaku "

" Mereka pun rindukan kau "

" Aku rindu akan rakanku "

" Mereka pasti rindukan kau juga "

" Sampai bila aku disini ? "

" Sesungguhnya aku tiada jawapan untuk soalan itu "

" ... "

Terdiam aku ...

Aku sudahi perlumbaan aku 

Aku tidak menang

Tidak juga kalah

Sesungguhnya aku kerugian

Jahanamlah aku

Celakalah aku

" Selamat datang ke barzakh "

- Berikut adalah mimpi aku beberapa bulan lepas. Sekadar tazkirah -

Of Colours and Ghosts

This pile of scattered pillow-flesh , Weeping , Wooing , Calling my name The remnants of dreams They used to give

Exotopia

There's a gold fish In a jar On my desk Inside my room Waiting Someone to tell him He is not Human

Dark Evening

One cannot ask

What is there for him

When he's waited

Too long

He has done so much

To be wasted

Eaten alive

______________________________

Humans

Are slaves

Rasakan

" Tempat apa ni ? Panasnya "

" Haih , dah lah sempit , dinding pulak macam lembik lembik , geli aku "

 " Gelap pulak tu "

" Tapi aku tak ingat macam mana aku boleh ada kat sini "

" Bila la nak bebas ni , terseksa sungguh aku "

" Ha , wei ! Aku nampak cahaya ! Ada udara segar ! Cun "

" Wuish tingginya , ah redah jelah , ada air kot , selamat ni "

BLUP BLUP BLUP

"Best jugak mandi dekat kolam lepas panas panas macam bodoh tadi"

" Tapi kat mana doh ni ? "

" Entah , tu kat atas tu apa sial ? "

" Eh , ! Apa benda bodoh coklat coklat tu ? "

" Tu bulu ke duh ? Bulu apa benda nokhorom ? "

" EEEEEEE "

ASDFGHJKL

(*bunyi flush)

Diari Peneroka Hidup : 1

Kasut kain kelabu Converse basah terpijak lopak air . Lumpur dasar berkocak pusar , penuh ruang terganggu tapak kasut bergetah .

" Bangsat "

Sepetang di hutan batu berlangit teh o ais . 

Air gratis dari yang Esa . Bersalam-peluk dengan liang liang halus . Harini tak ada .

 Sejuk . 

Sunyi 

. Sepi .

 Rangkul erat rangka kecil . Getar , geser .

Berdetak titis titis keringat awan .

 Bergendang , bertingkah meraikan perayaan .

Irama ketenangan .

Bau pekat kota .

Berlatarbelakangkan Tunku Abdul Rahman , kereta BMW dan papan papan cantik berlampu .

Amsyar puas . 

Dalami hati pakcik tua berkain pelikat lusuh bersinglet putih .

Janggut bersepai . Macam eksiden dekat MRR2 . 

" Heh heh . Seronoknya "